A Dirty Mind
by voicelikeabell
Summary: Kurama persuades Hiei to come over and watch a movie with him, Yusuke, and Kuwabara. Dirty minded-ness ensues. HINTS of shounen ai.


**Disclaimer:** I own the plot. That is all. The characters? Nah, I wish though..

**A Dirty Mind**

Hiei's P.O.V.

He gets me every time. Every freakin time. It's Friday night, and I'm sitting in Kurama's kitchen, in his ningen home, drinking a ningen drink called 'coke', surrounded by ningens. Woe ways me?

Why am I here you ask? Because once again, Kurama has found a way to make me join him in these petty ningen activities. Tonight we, as in Kurama, Kuwabara, Kurama and I, are going to eat junk food and watch a movie. Oh joy.

I grimace and squeeze my coke can tighter as I think of how that baka kitsune tricked me this time. "Oh Hiei, It will be so much fun! Please say you'll come! No? I'm sorry to hear that...speaking of sorry, wouldn't it be just horrible if Yukina ever found out that you are her long lost brother? And after all you have done to keep it a secret...Indeed, what a shame it would be..."

Hn. Dumb Kitsune. I should have chopped his head off with my sword when I had the chance. That would have saved me a lot of time, and embarrassment. I wonder what was keeping me from doing just that…

"Hiei!" a voice awakened me from my day dream, and something was thrown at me. I easily caught the parcel, and gave it's thrower a look. "What's this for?" Kurama smiled at me, and leaned his elbows against the counter separating us. "That's a bag of pop corn. Please go put it in the microwave for me, wont you? I need to go do something."

I stood up and walked toward the 'microwave', opened the door, and set the bag inside. "Hiei, that's the refrigerator."

Oops. I quickly took it out and placed it in another black box that had a door on it. "And that would be the oven."

I scowled and threw the dumb thing at him. "Baka no kitsune! What the hell is a microwave!?" Kurama just laughed at me, and placed it in _another_ black box. "You're so useless Hiei." I'm going to ignore that comment and get back to my coke, which I rather like. I am about to take a sip when the door bell rings. "Get that for me Hiei, I'll be right back!" Kurama called from the next room. Hn. It's probably the idiots. I mean Yusuke and Kuwabara.

I open the door, and sure enough, the two teens march right in, each carrying a bag of some sort. "Hey! Its hamster legs! How ya doing Hiei?" Kuwabara asked, slapping me on the back and knocking me forward a few steps. "Don't touch me, moron."

"Oooh sorry! I forgot, midgets don't like to be touched or have any contact with humans!" he replied. "Shut up Kuwabara, you sound dumb when you talk." Yusuke said, smirking. "Hey Hiei, where's Kurama?"

"Right here!" Kurama walked in, armed with bowls of some sort of yellow food, and can's of coke. "Hello Yusuke, Kuwabara, what movie did you get?

"Some foreign fighting movie, I dunno, Kuwabara picked it." he held up the tape. " But I'm sure it will be great!" I followed the two ningens and the fox into his living room, and sat on the arm oh his couch. "Off Hiei." Kurama pushed me off the arm, and I fell on to the couch, and he sat next to me. Grrr he is really pushing my buttons today.

Yusuke sat down on the other side of me, and Kuwabara next to him. They both started to chow on the popcorn, while I just sat their, being squished between my friends. What's the movie about again?

**10 Minutes later**

Kurama's P.O.V  
  
I try not to laugh as I hear Hiei grumbling beside me. He's so gullible, I actually got him to come over tonight and watch a movie with us! Even though I know he hates it, and he probably hates me, I'm glad he's here, squished on the couch next to me. I let my eyes stray from the TV screen to his face. He is mumbling to him self quietly, and there is a little pout on his lips. His arms are crossed, and his red eyes are looking upwards, ignoring the movie. He looks so cute like that, pouting and moping. Just like a little kid. He looks absolutely adorable, but I'll never tell him that, because he might kill me. I decide to do something that will make him lighten up a bit. Something...that will make him loosen up, so we can have some fun...

"Hiei, if you want it, there is some sweet snow in the freezer for you-.." he was gone in a flash, and returned with a smirk. He flopped onto the couch, and started to dig in on the sugary strawberry treat. I smiled. Nothing says love like sweet snow when it comes to Hiei.

"Hey Hiei let me have some…" Yusuke asked, reaching for the carton. I stopped him, and held his wrist. "Yusuke, it is not wise to take away a fire demons ice scream." He gave me a look, so I just nodded to Kuwabara. "Hey Kuwabara,"

"What Urameshi?"

"You want some ice cream?" the raven haired spirit detective asked.

"Sure!" He reached past his friend and stuck his finger in the sweet snow. When he withdrew it, pink ice cream coated it. "Yum!" he was about to lick it off, when a black shadow flew by us. "MINE!" Hiei's mouth clamped onto the finger

"YEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!" Kuwabara yelped trying to pull his finger away. "What the hell was that for Hiei!?! You dumb midget!"

"My sweet snow!" Kuwabara examined his bitten finger, "Geez I'm sorry! Calm down...fire freak..."

"Hn."

"See what I mean?" I asked Yusuke, who was laughing. "Gotcha Kurama!" he chuckled. I laughed too; Hiei really is an adorable guy. Violent, but adorable all the same.

**5 Minutes later**

I grimaced when I saw yet _another_ sticky ice cream carton land on my living room floor. It's only been five minutes, but Hiei has eaten about 6 large containers since then. (Why do I have that much ice cream in my house?) He was literally bouncing on my couch, rapidly shoveling ice cream into his mouth. Sugar had consumed his mind.

Perfect...just what I wanted. I will have my way with you Hiei, you just wait...your time will come. I smirked evilly. "Hey Kurama, are you OK?" Yusuke asked, concerned/scared by my look.

"I'm fine Yusuke, why do you ask?" I inquired casually. "Well, you-.." I cut him off. "Ya know, I'll be right back. Don't wait up for me..."

"What ever." Yusuke and Kuwabara said, still watching the fighting movie. Hiei however, I could feel him watch me go. I smirked, perfect. My plan was working perfectly.

What was the plan? To make Hiei sugar high. Why do that? So he will be curious. I'm going upstairs to my room, and sooner or later Hiei will follow, being the curious little demon he is.

What do I plan to do once he is in my room? That information is confidential.

**10 Minutes later**

Hiei's P.O.V.

In all the time I've spent in this Human world, I have never eaten something as good as sweet snow. I love it, and it's all thanks to Kurama! Maybe I should thank him...where did he go anyway? He gave me a look before he left...was I suppose to follow him? Maybe I should...what could he be doing?

"I'll be right back" I stood up and flitted out of the room. "Whatever," Yusuke and Kuwabara voiced, their eyes never straying form the TV screen.

I rolled my eyes, the movie wasn't even good! Hell, it wasn't even in Japanese! I ran up stairs, and knocked on his bed room door. "Come in," a low, sultry voice answered. I was confused, but I opened the door anyway and went in.

"Hello Hiei…"

**15 Minutes later**.

"Bitch, those were my muffins, and you ate the last one! I'LL END YOU!"

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE!? THAT WAS HILARUOUS!"

"I KNOW THAT WAS INCEDIBLE!" Yusuke and Kuwabara literally had tears in their eyes as they watched their fighting movie. The main character was such an idiot, and they found it_ so_ amusing! "Hahhaha, oh man! I need to go the bathroom now..." Kuwabara said, standing up.

"What, the movie to funny for you to handle Kuwabara?"

"Can it Urameshi! I had to much coke is all..." he ran out of the room. "

"Riiiiigght." Yusuke laughed, laying back on the couch..

Meanwhile, upstairs...

Kuwabara's P.O.V.

Hmmm. now where is Kurama's bathroom? I haven't been here in a while, maybe it's this one! I walked over to a white door, and was about to open it, when I suddenly heard something. Something that sounded like...moaning?

"Ow! Hiei! That hurts! Don't touch it like that!" someone yelled. Was that...Kurama?

"Well then don't struggle so much! I can't get it out!" Someone yelled back. Could that be Hiei?

I leaned my ear against the door, trying to hear better. What could they possibly be talking about?

"Ah, finally! I got it out! WOW! Kurama, it's huge!!" Hiei sounded really surprised.

"Well, it's nothing to brag about..."

"Yea it is, it's so long...Can I hold it in my hands?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course, but don't be rough...OW! DON'T PULL IT HIEI!"

"What? It's not like it's gonna break!"

"Hey, you never know. Your way to rowdy when it comes to this kind of thing."

"I am not! What, you don't like it when I'm rough?" he sounded on the brink of tears.

"Yea I do, but you have to be gentle sometimes, you're hurting me!" Kurama responded.

I could feel my left eye start to twitch...what the HELL where they doing in there?! Dirty thoughts were running rampant through my mind...

"AHHH-." I clamped my hand over my mouth, to stop from screaming.

"Hey Hiei, what was that sound I just heard?

"Who cares? Let's keep going!"

I stumbled backwards. OH MY GOD! I THINK I KNOW WHAT THEIR DOING! EW! NASTY! Wait...maybe they aren't...yea, I know! I'll ask Yusuke!

I jumped down the stairs two at a time, and ran into the living room, heaving for breath. "Yusuke!" I shouted. "What's wrong? What's going on up there?" I grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stairs with me.

"Hey wait a sec! Let go of me! Where are we..?" I covered his mouth with my hand, and pushed his head by Kurama's door so he could hear. "Yusuke...Listen, and tell me what you hear!" I whispered. Yusuke looked confused, but he leaned down next to the door anyway.

"Ok Hiei, I want to see yours now! Come on! I wanna touch it!!

"Ok! Go ahead!"

"Ooh! It's almost as long as mine! And so soft..."

"Hn. What do you know? Mine is longer!

"No way! Yours just stands up straighter then mine!"

"Yea, yours is pathetic. It may be long, but it's…limp."

I could feel Yusuke shudder next to me. This was very disturbing...after hearing what we did, we were lead to one conclusion; KURAMA AND HIEI WERE SCREWING EACH OTHER IN HIS BEDROOM!

"Oh Hiei, I'm so glad you decided to play with me! Aren't you glad you came?"

"Yes! I had no idea this kind of this could be so fun! I'm a little embarrassed though...this is my first time.."

"Don't be silly Hiei, your doing just fine!"

"Am I doing this right?"

"Yes keep going!"

"AHHHH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Yusuke screamed. His eyes were twitching, and if he had fangs, he would have bore them. "IV'E HEARD ENOUGH! WE MUST END THIS NOW!"

"YOUR RIGHT URAMESHI! LET'S RAIN ON THEIR PARADE!" I also yelled. "YEAh, OPEN THE DOOR!"

"No, I don't want to!"

"WHY THE HELL NOT!? Yusuke fumed, glaring at me. "I DON'T WANNA SEE THEM NAKED!" Who cares if I was a coward? I DON'T WANNA SEE HIEI NAKED FOR GODS SAKE!

Yusuke's P.O.V.

I can't believe what I was just hearing! THEY'RE GOING DOWN GOD DAMNIT!

Normal P.O.V

Yusuke and Kuwabara slammed Kurama's door open, and gasped at what they saw. Kurama was sitting on the floor in rose colored pajama's, and Hiei was sitting behind him, also in pajama's and he was...braiding Kurama's hair?

"What the fuck?" Yusuke and Kuwabara said in unison

"Hey guys! We were just doing each other's hair! You wanna play?" Kurama asked, smiling.

"Yeah! Kurama has been teaching me how to braid! See?" Hiei showed them Kurama's hair, and how he had braided it perfectly.

"Wa? You mean..that this WHOLE time...you've been playing... with each other's... hair? But we were listening...and y-you two..." Kuwabara stuttered

"Yea! And you were talking about how long...your hair was.,." Yusuke trailed off.

"Of course, what did you think we were doing silly?" Kurama giggled.

Yusuke looked like he was about to cry. "You're kidding me...well, now I've seen _everything_..." and he left the room. Kuwabara just stood there, his jaw hanging.

"Hey Kuwabara," Hiei asked, "Mine is longer, right?"


End file.
